Change

"All perfection in this life is accompanied by a measure of imperfection, and all our knowledge contains an element of obscurity. A humble knowledge of oneself is a surer road to God than a deep searching of the sciences."

"For such is the weakness of human nature, alas, that evil is often more readily believed and spoken of another than good. But perfect men do not easily believe every tale that is told them, for they know that man's nature is prone to evil, and his words to deception."

"Whoever puts his confidence in men or in any creature is very foolish."

"If you have no care for you own soul who will have care for you in time to come?"

"If you rely on your own reasoning and ability rather than on the virtue of submission to Jesus Christ you will but seldom and slowly attain wisdom."
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What does science give you? Obscure answers that someone learned from a book, that someone before them who learned from another book just to write in their own book. But that's besides the point I guess. It's empty nonetheless. So you look to science for answers to the questions of the universe, but what do those answers really mean to mankind? What do they really give mankind that we didn't have before? Can one honestly say they have faith in science? What does that even mean? Is science supposed to give purpose or meaning that makes a life worth living? I never thought science was an alternative to faith but I guess it was easier for me to submit to because it wasn't submittal at all really. I could carry on with my normal life without truely thinking about the life I was actually living. But faith holds you accountable to living a life for something greater than yourself and trying to live like that which is greater than yourself. This is much more difficult than living a life in which you look to science's explanations of the formation of the universe, because your individual purpose has no relation. One can live with no remorse and in your mind never really feel empty. But maybe seeing it in someone else is what makes one take a second look at themself. If you don't like what you see - change they way you think, change the way you live, live for something greater than yourself.

Rambling

Today was a social awakening. Many deep, strong converstations with very different people. I love it. One apologized for always stirring a deep philisophical conversation but you know who you are and don't ever apologize for that. I for one learn so much through the words spoken. Surface level chatter is necessary no doubt but when you can break the barrier and truely hear someone and they feel comfortable to open up on a higher level, that is amazing. What is friendship if two people cannot be real with eachother? And to talk to people whose minds are open and honest... I couldn't ask for anything else. I know my mind is very much guided by those who I surround myself with, but I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing because I know in my heart I surround myself with good people. Very different people, but none the less pure and caring.

One enlightened me to the fact that I may have never let myself succumb to the fact that I do not have total control over everything that happens in life. Sometimes you have to accept that things are out of your physical control and you have to be okay with that. You have to be secure in the fact that alone we are not as strong as we may hope to be. It is at that moment that you let your faith in God, the universe, nature, whatever it is, guide you.

I want purpose. I want meaning beyond a career, beyond my next text message or email, beyond the money I have in the bank. These are the trivial things that sometimes feel like what life is about but are no where near what life could be. I know that the purpose is not selfish but is the fact of wanting it to feel complete a selfish desire?

It's not about me

A recent conversation made me realize how selfish my life is. Everything I do is for myself and thinking about that makes me sick. I wake up to go to college to earn a degree to be able to support myself to raise a family to provide for my family and then what, I die. That can't be it. I love people, I love making people happy, I love seeing people happy, but what do I really do in my everyday life to see that happen. What can I do? I can stop thinking about myself so much. My little world is a minute part of the entire universe and beyond. I think I'm beginning to understand why people follow God. It is something to live for. It is finding meaning and purpose in something larger than ourselves. And I think I'm beginning to understand that the lives we live could be lived for that something which is greater than ourselves. Why has this been so hard for me to get? I always get stuck on the facts and needing proof to have faith, but faith is not that. Faith is the complete opposite. It is the belief or trust in something regardless of some factual truth or scientific explanation. And it's not just the weak or the strong who search for this, it's anyone. And that's a lot to accept, to give your control over to. To realize it's not about the strength you carry in yourself alone but what gives you that strength. Now accepting that and living that kind of life is the ongoing struggle I presume.